“Master, please, I don’t talk well. I’ve never been good with words, neither before nor after you spoke to me. I stutter and stammer.” God said, “And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn’t it I, God? So, get going. I’ll be right there with you—with your mouth! I’ll be right there to teach you what to say.” – Exodus 4:10-12
Sometimes I feel like Moses at that burning bush when God appeared to him. I don’t feel good enough for the things that God is calling me to; why would he call me when there are hundreds of others who can do so much more than I ever could. It’s times like these that I have to remind myself — as Mark Hall (Casting Crowns) said “God doesn’t need me but He wants me!” Can you imagine the God of the universe choosing, wanting you to fulfill a certain role. I struggle everyday with this thought, I’m baffled by it. What do I have that I could ever offer? It’s not like my life has been the perfect life. I struggled with depression, I turned to cutting, eating disorders, and sex as a way to dull the emotional pain of feeling like I wasn’t wanted, like I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I didn’t care about myself, I hated the person I was. I fell for guys easily and got hurt, but never learnt how to protect my heart. Drinking and smoking was a favourite past time. I never allowed myself to think that I was desirable, that I was pretty. Who was I kidding? How could God ever use me? I was/am a sinner.
And isn’t that just it? Is that not the reason why I was chosen? Why you were chosen? God didn’t call the perfect. No, He wants the sinners. He wants those people who were lost, who reached rock bottom. Because it is only through sinners that God gets the true glory. He bought us with a price, and it is that price, the blood of His son Jesus Christ, that our sins are wiped away and we are white as snow. See the enemy will put things in your head, and I’ve heard them alot. Things like; you’re not good enough, you’re worthless, you’re ugly, who would ever want you?, you’re a failure, you should just end it now, you will never be beautiful etc… He will find the things that you fear the most and make you believe them. But God says you are enough, you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are loved, you are wanted – I (God) want you.
Maybe you feel like Moses at that burning bush or maybe you have realized what your passion and calling is, but have held back because of some negativity from family or friends or even strangers. The good news is that Jesus died so that we don’t have to live in fear anymore. It doesn’t matter if you’re not perfect or that you don’t have everything figured out. That’s okay. But don’t allow that fear and negativity prevent you from walking out the calling that God has placed on your life. My entire life I struggled with my own identity, as a young girl, as a hormonally depressed teenager, and as a young woman in Christ. I believe that their is a reason why we go through the situations that we do. I believe that one day God is going to use those situations as a testimony to His love and grace. I had to go through all of that abuse and struggle in my past so that one day I can be a light for a girl who is going through that same thing. So that I can tell her that she doesn’t have to endure that pain anymore, that there is a God who loves her unconditionally and that she is enough. You are enough.
Written by, Andrea Burke
Andrea Burke is originally from Cape Town South Africa, but currently calls Kelowna home with her husband. Andrea is a 3rd year psychology student with hopes of pursuing her PhD in counselling in the future. Currently, she is a full-time nanny to four awesome kids and has previously work with children on the autism spectrum.
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