There are so many reasons for you to close yourself off to the world.
You have an image to maintain. You can’t drag people down with you. You don’t want your friends and family to worry. You like your space and your privacy.
You have this armor that’s built up around your heart to keep anyone and everyone out.
You protect yourself.
You’re the quiet, shy girl.
You bob and weave in and out of people lives and in different places. No one really knows your story. You float around like a wild child with no care in the world, but you dissolve into self-doubt and self-loathing when you’re alone.
Eventually, the armor isn’t going to be there to protect you anymore.
It’ll rust thanks to the poison of your thoughts and the fear and worry that consumes your head.
You will self-destruct. The numbness of an altered mind and the sickness that comes along with it.
Your thoughts will pull you down, fighting more viciously than they did before. Where you will think and feel too much. Where you just want to be numb.
But there will come a time where you can’t fight this fight alone anymore. A time where you can’t drown or burn these thoughts.
You’ve got battled scars in different forms, but they hurt in the same way.
There will come a time when you need to give an honest answer when faced with the question “how are you?”
There comes a time:
When the words/sentences that have been caught in the back of your throat or the tip of your tongue need to spill out.
When you need to free yourself from the armor that is now crushing your heart instead of protecting it.
When you need to recognize that your story along with your thoughts and feelings matter. That you yourself matter.
You might think that you’ve haven’t got to the point of you’re not hurting enough. Or that there are so many others that have it worse than you.That they have been through so much more than you. Maybe, your brain has told you, “you’re just seeking attention.”
Just know there is no measurement of pain. You don’t have to reach a certain level to ask for help or to asked to be loved. Everyone feels and hurts differently. Never, ever, ever be afraid that isn’t enough.
Your pain and hurt are important because it’s yours.
No matter where you’re at in your story or what it looks like, it means something.
You need to teach and know that your feelings and pain matter. That people want to listen and be there.
I too am teaching and learning for myself that the people around me don’t just want to know the quiet, shy girl. They want to know my hopes for the future, where I see myself in 10 years, what I want out of this life, but most of all they want to hear my fears, and let me talk about my struggles and pain I’m going through.
You deserved to show the world the whole spectrum of your being – the light, the dark, and everywhere in between.
And when you finally work up enough courage to answer the “how are you?” question honestly, sometimes you’ll hear a “hey, me too” reply.
Your story can help someone else. Yes, we all have different pain but there is something we all share when the darkness comes like a giant wave and we feel everything at once. Hope.
Saying the words “I’m not doing so well.” doesn’t mean you’re a burden. It’s part of being alive. Every emotion, joy, hurt, pain, love, hope, fear. It’s all there to be felt, to be experienced.
You are a human being. You are. You exist. You breathe. You love. You fight. You hurt. You feel.
And because of that, because you exist, you matter.
Let the world see you, the real honest you.
You have a story that deserves to be told. A story that deserves to be told by you.
Your pain isn’t a burden. You’re not a burden.
You are a being.
Hey y’all, I’m Sierra. I’m 18 years old and I’m currently living in South Carolina. Living in freedom by the wonderful grace of God. Lover of the beach, music (all kinds), dogs, words, and people. Add me on all my social medias or send me an email so we can chat and become best friends 🙂
Twitter: @SierraLaureen
Instagram: sierralaureen
Snapchat: sierra.laureen